I have been basking in awe. I was praying for financial stability, and the Lord provided. Who says fasting doesn’t work?
And today here comes the rub. I was given a card from Lalas birth. Talking about the honor of caring for my baby and how my daughter who passed would be cared for by the Lord but always with me… What a lovely sentiment. But the reminders I need not. Got it from Lalas dad. Eight years later. I have no memory of if I read it or not. But I read it today. Does this pain ever go away Lord?
May or may not be racist. He is so very concerned about the wellfare of an old white couple who cannot live in their home bc spike lee tweeted a wrong address that he has zero to say about the black child MURDERED. His killer has yet to be arrested, and he could not care less.
He does not see this as a racist mind set. The very root of racism is being programmed to put one race above another, and boy does he favor to the white. I should add I am a black woman.
Let me say that I have never previously seen this side of him. We knew each other throughout high school, met again when I was 23, and have been married 5 years. I KNOW this man. Which may be why it is so very upsetting. He cannot even see my side of this.
Also frustrating because we very rarely disagree on hot button issues.
Lord, help me to keep my tongue.
To dream of dinosaurs means that something from your past has changed and you no longer use it. If you dream that you are attacked by dinosaurs means that you are struggling to become a different kind of person. Everyday I want to be better and I’m working hard to make it happen. Lord hear my prayer
I did the 5am prayer meeting yesterday and felt so full from prayer. It was pretty awesome. My husband was falling asleep. Sometimes I feel as if he only goes to church bc I go. I wonder quite often if I decided church was not for me, would he agree and stop believing? Does he truly believe now? I can’t ask himthese things, bc I don’t really want to know the answer. Not really.
That’s how I deal with most things that are really heavy. I put them away in a closet of “don’t even go there” and leave it there to die. Ever since I had my breakdown in 2010, my life is in an upheaval. I haven’t worked, I’m just trying to be a good person. That’s not always easy. Especially when you have a mouth like mine that wants to say everything I’m thinking.
At the time it never occurs to me not to follow my directed path bc I’m justified in the truth. But just bc it is true does not make it right. I know no grace but what the Lord gives me.
Hear my prayer Lord
Day 13 of the fast. We are doing a regular fast past day 10, so no more Daniel fast. Which really means I am adding eggs and fish. I am doing well on the food end, losing weight and feeling better. But I need to ramp up the prayer. I am definitely going to the 5 am special prayer on Saturday. Pastor asked on Sunday, “what do we need from God? What are you fasting for? Will it change your life? What are you willing to do in exchange?” I am definitely willing to give up some sleep for financial stability. I am more than willing to give up food for my brother to find his way back to the church.
Lord, please hear my prayers!
To dream of dinosaurs means that something from your past has changed and you no longer use it. If you dream that you are attacked by dinosaurs means that you are struggling to become a different kind of person. I had the most vivid dream of a dinosaur last night. I kept telling myself it was a dream but I felt it. FELT IT. The fear, the wind, the motion, the falling… I am trying to put on the new me, to be the me Christ wants me to be. To not be so acidic, and to not share every thought it my head. Watching my tongue and not trying to step in on every situation. To let God drive. It is much harder than I thought.
The fast is going well and He keeps blessing me. One of the 3 people I’m praying for showed up @ church after not coming for MONTHS. Financial blessings. He keeps showing up, and I am feeling encouraged.
Lord please continue to give me grace and mercy bc I need you so desperately.
Things are going pretty well. Bibis audition for the voice was excellent but without callback. Ditto for my Hairspray audition. But thems the breaks.
I’m using this fast to get closer to the Lord. The best part of Daniel’s fast is that you aren’t without food. The prayer is exactly what I wanted. To be more dilligent. More to come.
On my way to Chicago so Bibi can try out for The Voice! Roading with Nana and the baby. So excited. Listening to pandora and loaded with snacks and caffeine. This is going to be awesome!!!
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” -2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)